P.A.P: The Princess and the Wall Part 1 January 19th, 2006
Once upon a time there was a princess who couldn't get anywhere because the Israelis (with help from they're good buddies the USA) built a big ugly wall trapping her in soulless Ramallah.The only way the princess could escape to get to her 22 year old Prince Charming was by getting past the evil warlock (also known as Svete the angry short-haired lesbian soldier who hates me because i won't play along and fulfill her Palestinian-Israeli Abu Gharib fantasy) blocking the gate (AKA Kalandia checkpoint). And so begins the tale of The Princess and the Wall.
P.A.P.This is Why We Don't Have a Country December 18th, 2005
Greetings faithful readers! The P.A.P. is back. Now I know that rumors had been flying that the Mossad had final had enough of my shannanigans and that I was buried alive at the 50 yard line at Giant Stadium causing me to miss my last column deadline. This is completely false except for the part about the Mossad being sick of me as are all those nasty little nip and tuck rumors.
P.A.P. Avoiding a First Date Debacle September 23rd, 2005
Dating is a nightmare. Now everyone knows good Arab girls don't date so the following advice is completely hypothetical or directed at bad Arab girls and the men who love them. Please take a moment to decide which category you fall into
P.A.P. Escaping Your Inner Monologue Alcatraz September 9th, 2005
Okay, I know I said in my last column that I don't ever want to get married but being a P.A.P. affords me the luxury of changing my mind and I have decided to marry Kanye West. I am totally in love with him and we are going to have like a thousand milk chocolate babies. Why? Could it be because he's written some of the most brilliant rap lyrics ever ("I need Jesus like Kathy Lee needs Regis!")
P.A.P. My Non Bridal Shower August 26th, 2005
I have been a bridesmaid seventeen times. Yes, I know this sounds insane but it is completely true and I have a rainbow of taffeta taking up way to much closet space to prove it. Being a bridesmaid this many times has made me quite bitter; but not for the usual reasons. I'm quite happy always being a bridesmaid never a bride because I have no desire to be a bride.
